Challenge: Write something that only you will understand and probably only you will enjoy… oh boy. Well, you literally asked for it my friend…
This one might get redacted after the challenge because, Gods, this feels good to write, but heavens forbid anyone I’m related to sees it.
BRIDGET
Let’s review.
[Lights up. Baby Bridget - BB - approaches the door leading to the back porch with a dog treat in her hand.]
BB
Georgie! Sit!
[We assume the dog sits, she lifts the treat over the baby gate to give it when…]
Good— Ouch!
[Pulls her hand back sans treat. Not quite crying but near tears.]
Bad dog.
DICK
(coming in, not aware of what has just happened)
No, Georgie’s a good boy. Why would you say he’s bad, he’s a good boy.
BB
[tears are starting to win. She’s bleeding mildly, but it’s really the forming bruise that hurts.]
He bit me. I was just giving him a treat and he bit me! That’s bad.
DICK
You can’t tease him with a treat! He doesn’t know any better. Why would you tease him like that?
BB
I didn’t tease him. I was giving him the treat and he bit me. I didn’t do anything wrong.
DICK
Georgie didn’t either. He just did what dogs do. You should be more careful. You shouldn’t tease dogs with food.
[Lights out]
BRIDGET
It’s funny. When I got a dog, I tried to train it to be patient with treats and food, instead of relying on three-year-olds to know how to care for a pet when they meet one for the first time. But, it was a different time I guess, right? But let’s continue. There’s so much to cover and so little time. Do you remember? Probably not.
[Spotlight on DICK.]
DICK
It’s probably time to retire that sweater.
[Spotlight out]
BRIDGET
It was brand new. A Christmas gift from my cousin. But the very next year…
[Spotlight on DICK]
DICK
You know, it’s important to save your money and not go and get a new sweater every time you feel cold.
[Spotlight out]
BRIDGET
But it wasn’t just clothes I could never get right. I wasn’t working enough, I was working too much. I spent too much time watching TV with my family. Why didn’t I ever visit my parents? You really want to know why I moved away?
[Lights up on DICK, sitting at a kitchen table set for two. BRIDGET is looming over the scene]
DICK
You are taking things too seriously, I only meant-
BRIDGET
We all know what you “only meant”. That’s the most infuriating part! You treat us like we are your children like we owe you for raising us and should have the access to our lives and decisions as if you’ve been a close guiding light, protecting us, loving us…
You didn’t even raise your own children, much less us. It’s not your fault, well, not all your fault. You did choose to have eight kids, but you didn’t choose to be the only income earner until your second oldest turned… 16? But still, just because your kids have superglued rose-colored glasses on to look at their childhood, doesn’t mean we did.
I don’t even want to get into how you expect unconditional love and respect from us but if we have our own opinions we’re stupid, misled children that should sit down and shut up. Unconditional love… Do you even have the capability? None of us thinks so.
And you think you’re right because for some reason your kids still shield you from the truth which is your beliefs are outdated, cruel, racist, sexist, bullshit that, spoiler alert, is not supported by your precious Bible. In fact, Jesus - a Middle Easterner with far-left beliefs that accepted people based on their good deeds and compassion rather than following strict rules laid out by the religion he was born into, by the way - would have been out in the streets protesting with Black Lives Matter. Would have fought for abortion rights, would have voted for universal healthcare and free university and free housing, and Jubilees for all. If he was alive today, you would hate him as much as you hate us.
And you know what? I probably still would be going to Church if my main touchstone wasn’t you.
I probably wouldn’t still be in the city, but it’s a hell of a lot more likely that I would have stayed if you hadn’t constantly been looking for a way to tear me down or turn someone against me. I remember thinking I must be the problem. I’m the wrong one because if it was you surely someone would have said something to you by now. Surely it would be you on the defensive or trying to change your ways if you were the one seeping poison into family dinners and holiday celebrations. It’s taken me ten years of therapy, but I know now, it’s not me. It’s you. It’ll probably take me another 10 years to come to terms with why the previous generation didn’t protect us… but it’s a start and this, this conversation, this goodbye, is worth every single fucking penny I spent on therapy.
Age isn’t an excuse to be an asshole. You may have had a rough time but that doesn’t give you the right to make everyone else miserable and I’m not ever going to let you make me feel small or stupid or ugly again. You’re the one that becomes cruel when things aren’t the way they should be, and me drawing a line and saying I’m done letting you hurt me is self-preservation. And by the way, you can bet your life savings that if I ever have kids, you will not be allowed in their lives until you can prove that you can and will respect them.
I would say see you at Christmas, but I’m not going to another family holiday while you’re alive.
Have the life you deserve!
[BRIDGET walks out the door from the first BB scene and slams the door behind her.]
DICK
Kids these days. Snowflake sheeple that can’t use critical thinking to save their life.
END OF SCENE